the first of firsts

It's the first of the first for me

wrapped in black wool, possum fur and leather boots...

I am sitting at my cafe poet post

french chairs, rose paintings as big as the walls, all orange and pink...

chandeliers and old masters on the ceiling

the thing of beauty that changes everything?

the light

as it ebbs and flows through the cafe window this early morning

it catches the thick candelabra and the old regal wooden chairs that

sit face to face, mind to mind, heart to heart with french stripped cusions

the thing of being human that changes everything?

is the heart

I cannot imagine me as only a mind...

last night I lay, exhausted from a day of work, on my bed of purple mohair warmth

and felt my heart

soft 

warm 

full 

and delicate

that heart that tells me oh so quietly and not everyday

"I love you"

It is that slightly imperceptible resonance in the heart chamber

that tells me I am more than the words of the

rambling mind 

plagued 

full of doubts

questioning

analyzing 

and fear

I am more than consisting of thoughts

although I use thoughts to tell you this

when that heart resonance purrs like an miniature engine

like a sleepy warm cat

curled in a chair

the light

in the heart

is the warmth in my mother's hand

a blessing of

being alive

6.7.2010 written this morning at Pheast48.